24/7/365 366* (and counting)

It's my cancerversary today--one of many commemorating various battles of my cancer war, but this is the big one--the one year anniversary of the first time they told me "you have cancer."

It was a week after Thanksgiving and I had a late appointment on Friday. We went into it with big plans to go to a fish fry for dinner so I could eat my face off after having done the whole fasting and bowel prep thing in advance of the colonoscopy.

It was cold, and it was snowing. It was the first time I'd ever been in UW hospital. We parked on the top of the parking ramp.

They gave me a key on an elastic ring for the locker where I would store my clothes. I wore my long wool socks, thinking I was clever. I remember getting wheeled into the room, but very little after.

Coming out of sedation, I would ask Jody what time it was before falling back to sleep. We had to wait for something, so why not sleep? This happened again and again, although I didn't realize it at the time.

Eventually the nurse came and brought us into a room. Getting brought into a room is never a good thing, but my Versed-addled brain didn't make this connection. Jody had seen it coming ever since they said we had to wait. His train wreck was in slow motion, whereas mine happened at full speed, if through a fog.

Cancer.

It couldn't be cancer. They must have gotten it wrong. How much can they tell from looking at something, anyway?

Cancer?

But I'm young! Fit! Vegetarian! Clean family history! I have a four month old, for Chrissake! It can't be cancer! It can't be.

Can't.

But as we know all too well, it was. Despite all the odds so clearly being in my favor, I had rectal cancer. Ass cancer, if you prefer (I know I do). What the fuck were we going to do?

Burn it.
Cut it.
Poison it.
Bomb it to the stone age and then salt the earth so it never comes back.
We hope.

A year ago today they told me I have cancer. And I'm still here.

---

I had a bad day yesterday. Not cancer-bad, but related to it, so in the vicinity. I was all ready to post something really depressing and maudlin but Jody and I had a chat and got my emotional train back on the rails.

I made a plan. Something to distract, cheer me up:

I got my Suzie Homemaker nails done.

My nails are the longest they have been since finishing chemo--which is to say not long at all--and I wanted to do something indulgent and solo over Violet's nap.

The color is Russian Navy and is appropriate on so many levels:

• When I met Jody, he was in the [U.S.] Navy.
• Like my daughter's name, this color is a shade of purple
• This color is also blue, like the "awareness" ribbon of my fellow colorectal peeps.

It's also totally badass.

Speaking of those last two items--ie my ass and it being a bad one--I applied to be a model for the 2010 Colondar. I'll let you know if I'll be flashing my scars for the masses when I do. :)

*I stand corrected--it was a leap year. Of course it was...

I Don't Care if They Can't Get a Good Stick From All the Scar Tissue...

...I am going to have them keep drawing blood until I get the results I want.

A Boring Life Makes For a Boring Blog...

...but it certainly is a welcome change from the past year.

Nothing much to report other than the McCullough Three are all doing well despite ND's total sucking and the first sticking snow of the season.

Jody is unfortunately nursing his injury again, I am no longer cleaning clump after clump of hair out of the shower drain, we are thankfullly staying put (and not cooking!) for ToFurkey Day, and Violet...[WARNING: Parental blathering ahead!]

...she continues to be an amazing joy, with her latest "trick" being that she is incredibly happy when I put her down for naps and "nigh'-nigh's," waving and saying "bye!" with a smile behind her pacifier as I walk out of the room.

Sure, being a stay-at-home mom can be boring, maddening, repetitive, and exhausting at times, but I'm hard-pressed to think of anything else I would rather do.

Dog Day Afternoon

I am happy, nay thrilled to report that I called our local shelter yesterday to find that our dear, sweet, very missed Miss Cleo has been scooped up by the local BT rescue group and is all likelihood in a foster home at this very moment.

And there was much relieved rejoicing.

Old* TV Crushes Die Hard

Dear Jason Bateman,

Stop making me ♥ you.

Love,
brigita

* We're talking Arrested Development crush, not Silver Spoons.

Multi-Generational Rhythm Section

As If You Ever Had Any Doubts...

...I am awesome.

All kinds of awesome.

Fucking awesome.

Mucking about with electrical wiring awesome.

We now have a functioning outdoor light. No more fumbling with keys in the dead of 6pm night.

I rule.

I am awesome.

[Strike A] Juxtapose

I find it endlessly funny that my US Magazine gets delivered on the same day as Jody's Economist.

I Probably Could Just About Vomit Right Now

My laptop has finally come back from the repair shop.

They apparently had to wipe the hard drive.

I am absolutely SICK to my STOMACH.

Fuck.

On a Lighter Note...

...I bought this coat (in black) today and now I am The Hotness.

This Makes Absolutely No Sense but I DON'T CARE

Hey all--Apologies for the unplanned blogging hiatus...my laptop is still in the proverbial shop but by some freaky miracle, the keyboard on my now-resurrected desktop is somehow working? It seriously makes ZERO sense--It's not plugged into the keyboard port yet it's still allowing me to type?

Full disclosure--it is a USB-enabled keyboard and is the USB business is plugged into an appropriate port, but as far as I can tell, it had to be plugged into both in the past to work...?

But hell, I'm not going to look a gift working computer in the mouth hard drive.

It's actually a mixed blessing that my computer access has been mixed at best this last week or so since it has forced me to take some time to process some shit before posting about it.

The short version is that we gave up our dog Cleo last weekend, with Jody doing the heavy lifting while I was at ND with Violet. The long version is nearly seven years with a totally unsocialized dog that prevented us from socializing ourselves and gave us very little in the way of evidence that she would not be a danger to Violet.

I really don't want to talk much more about it than that as I'm still pretty busted up over it--even though she was a total bitch, she was my bitch--but for as upset as the surrender makes me, if anything were to have happened to Violet, it would have been like a knife to my heart, and I've already been through enough for one year in the way of heart-knifing, yes?

So anyhow, looks like the blog is back up and running...for now, anyhow.

Missed you guys.

SO Cranky

The box to ship my dead laptop to the HP fixit shop STILL hasn't arrived so I'm going to be without a lot longer than I had originally thought. I am one pissed off (and totally inconvenienced) brigita.