Wednesday, March 11, 2009

New Sugarmouth Segment!

Hey y'all--I think it's time to launch a new recurring segment here on the ol' blog:

Things/People to Which/Whom I Would Sincerely Like to Dole Out a Most Unladylike Beatdown.

OMG, you guys, have you been getting those spam emails, hearing the radio commercials, or catching parts of the over-lengthy TV infomercials on colon cleansing? Because, did you know that you aren't overweight, you might actually have up to 30lbs of poop jammed up in there like "spackle or paste?" And that all you need is a good "detox" or to take a bunch of pills or get a colonic and poof! You're going to be a size six again? </sarcasm>

Holy fucking shit (pun intended), this nonsense positively makes me want to spit nails. Doctors have either have to use the threat of cancer or brute force to get their patients into the GI clinic, but from the preponderance of these damn commercials, it would seem that folks are lining up for these "cleansing" scams!

Hey quick-fixers! Do you want to "detox" your body? Drink more water, eat less processed crap, and get your heart rate over 120 for more than 20 minutes more than twice a week!

Ok, now I'm about to blow. Your. MIND. Wanna hear something really crazy? This "program" will also help you LOSE WEIGHT! Whatta coincidence, right? </sarcasm>

The other thing that makes me fucking nuts is these quacks tout claim to be "nutritionists," which ANY unqualified jackass can call themselves. I mean, who wouldn't trust their intestinal health to an evangelist and a "nutraceutical formulator "?

Of course, nowhere on their websites does it say where these HUGE douchebags got their college degree(s), which leads me to believe that they, in fact, have not matriculated from an accredited institution of higher learning.

But I could just be biased. I could be way too invested in the topic. I mean sure, doesn't this guy look like an expert on what's good for you and your colon?



  1. I was having this VERY conversation with a coworker yesterday. Except i didn't manage to work "douche bag" or "neutraceutical formulator" into the conversation.

  2. Brigita, can I tell you how much I love your blog? I love your sarcasm, I love how honest you are and I have cried with you during your sad times and cheered for you at your happy times. Keep being who you are.